Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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