I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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