hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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