so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
