When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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