I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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