Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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