She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize