C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
one two three fourrrrnication!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My penis needs a shock collar
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
