My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
