I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
