where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
