it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
