I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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