Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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