I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
