you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had to cum in my sink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
