I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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