I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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