Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im holly from the hills drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
