Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
