guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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