so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
