you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
