you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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