If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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