idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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