Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
