I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
