Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
