i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
