one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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