OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
