well I can't set my house on fire every night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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