Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My pussy is not your playground.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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