We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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