Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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