we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
