i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
