She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize