he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
