I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
