I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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