At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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