Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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