I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I party with great urgency now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
