I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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