She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
