What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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