I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
