its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
