Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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