I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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