sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
