oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
