i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
