I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Your penis caused this!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
