i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
