I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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