i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
