Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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