You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
