one might say we're banned from that church
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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