Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
