Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
