i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
