You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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