So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize