It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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