my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize