I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
