I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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