There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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