bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
